Happy & Funny Valentines Day Quotes, Wishes and Messages

Even though we show love every day, there is still one special day to celebrate love. Valentine’s Day is celebrated by couples, singles, family, men, and women of all ages.

107 Happy and Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes

Do you have no idea how to express your love? Well, we’ve got these messages you can write on your Valentine’s Day cards.

1. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles M. Schulz

2. “If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?” – Lily Tomlin

3. “Your flaws are perfect for the heart that’s meant to love you.” – Trent Shelton

4. “A bride at her second wedding does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.” – Helen Rowland

5. “Today is Valentine’s Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day.” – Jay Leno

6. “A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love.” – Max Muller

7. “What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.” – Pearl Bailey

8. “Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.” – Mickey Rooney

9. “Never go to bed mad — stay up and fight.” – Phyllis Diller

10. “Now a soft kiss – Aye, by that kiss, I vow an endless bliss.” – John Keats

11. “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” – Dr. Seuss

12. “If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.” – Fran Leibowitz

13. “I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV.” – Tracy Smith

14. “Love is being stupid together.” – Paul Valery

15. “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you … I could walk through my garden forever.” -Alfred Tennyson

16. “Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.” – Honore de Mirabeau

17. “The Eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there ought to be as many for love.” – Margaret Atwood

18. “A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” – Tim Allen

19. “It is impossible to love and be wise.” – Francis Bacon

20. “One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.” – Oscar Wilde

21. “The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.” – Audrey Hepburn

22. “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.” – Laurence J. Peter

23. “This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” – Rumi

24. “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

25. “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” – Helen Keller

26. “Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.” – Melanie White

27. “It’s funny how we set qualifications to the right person to love when we know at the back of our heads the person whom we truly love will always be an exception.” – Ally McBeal

28. “Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.” – Lewis Black

29. “You can’t blame gravity for falling in love.” – Albert Einstein

30. “Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.” – Judith Viorst

31. “Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.” – James Thurber

32. “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” – Oscar Wilde

33. “Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” – Phyllis Diller

34. “Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.” – Hoosier Farmer

35. “Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” – Richard Jeni

36. “The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.” – Blaise Pascal

37. “No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn’t take the first pill that comes along.” – Joyce Brothers

38. “We are all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love. True love.” – Robert Fulghum

39. “True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” – Erich Segal

40. “You are never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread.” – Mike Primavera

41. “The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.” – Ann Landers

42. “Oh here’s an idea: let’s make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine’s Day. That’s not weird at all.” – Jimmy Fallon

43. “They invented hugs to let people know you love them without saying anything.” – Bil Keane

44. “Valentine’s Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife, but now everyone’s like ‘Oh, happy Valentine’s Day!’ I even got a Valentine’s Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago!” – Greg Giraldo

45. “I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” – Jean Illsley Clarke

46. “I want a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

47. “Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” – Kathy Mohnke

48. “Three things can’t be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love.” – Yiddish Proverb

49. “Love is hiding who you are at all times. It’s wearing make-up to bed and going downstairs to Burger King to poop.” – 30 Rock

50. “For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.” – Judy Garland

51. “A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick. A youth with his first girl makes everybody sick.” – Mary Wilson

52. “Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” – Jules Renard

53. “Without Valentine’s Day, February would be…well, January.” – Jim Gaffigan

54. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell

55. “To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.” – H.L. Mencken

56. “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” – Albert Einstein

57. “Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” – Natasha Leggero

58. “Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.” – E.E. Cummings

59. “You could empty the trash and my love for you still wouldn’t fit inside. But just because it won’t fit, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t empty the trash.” – Jarod Kintz

60. “Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.” – Christopher Marlowe

61. “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford

62. “Women are cursed, and men are the proof.” – Roseanne Barr

63. “You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” – Hussein Nishah

64. “Oh, if it be to choose and call thee mine, love, thou art every day my Valentine!” – Thomas Hood

65. “Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns

66. “Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.” – W. Somerset Maugham

67. “Look, there’s no metaphysics on earth like chocolates.” – Fernando Pessoa

68. “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem, but they don’t really know me.” – Garry Shandling

69. “There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.” -Friedrich Nietzsche

70. “You are always new, the last of your kisses was ever the sweetest.” – John Keats

71. “I love you and it’s getting worse.” – Joseph E. Morris

72. “Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.” – Henry Kissinger

73. “We are most alive when we’re in love.” – John Updike

74. “A friendship that is like love is warm. A love like friendship, steady.” – Thomas Moore

75. “Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.” – Oscar Wilde

76. “Lord! I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing.” – Jonathon Swift

77. “Love is friendship that has caught fire.” – Anne Landers

78. “I’ll love you, dear, I’ll love you till China and Africa meet and the river jumps over the mountain and the salmon sing in the street.” – W. H. Auden

79. “It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” – Lucille Ball

80. “This fire that we call Loving is too strong for human minds. But just right for human souls.” – Aberjhani

81. “There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.” – George Sand

82. “If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I.” – Michel de Montaigne

83. “Love is sharing your popcorn.” – Charles Schultz

84. “Each time you love, love as deeply as if it were forever.” – Audre Lorde

85. “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu

86. “That’s one of those things about being a computer science major: Valentine’s Day is just another day.” – Jawed Karim

87. “Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essence.” – Vincent van Gogh

88. “There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart.” – Jane Austen

89. “I do not want horses or diamonds – I am happy in possessing you.” – Clara Schumann

90. “A true lover always feels in debt to the one he loves.” – Ralph W. Sockman

91. “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” – Elizabeth Barrett Browning

92. “Loving is not just looking at each other, it’s looking in the same direction.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

93. “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” – Aristotle

94. “I just think Valentine’s Day is a day to really appreciate the person you love, no matter who it is, and to spend time with them. I don’t think it’s all about fancy presents or whatever. I think it’s about spending that quality time with that special person.” – Prince Royce

95. “Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” – Emily Bronte

96. “True love stories never have endings.” – Richard Bach

97. “Romance is thinking about your significant other, when you are supposed to be thinking about something else.” – Nicholas Sparks

98. “When love is not madness, it is not love.” – Pedro Calderon de la Barca

99. “Love isn’t something you find. Love is something that finds you.” – Loretta Young

100. “I’m a hopeless romantic. I love love. My middle name is Love. Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday. I want to have a family and children. I am a sucker for every romantic comedy that comes out.” – Jennifer Love Hewitt

101. “Nobody has ever measured, even poets, how much a heart can hold.” – Zelda Fitzgerald

102. “I’d kiss a frog even if there was no promise of a Prince Charming popping out of it. I love frogs.” – Cameron Diaz

103. “Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.” – Voltaire

104. “So, fall asleep love, loved by me… for I know love, I am loved by thee.” – Robert Browning

105. “Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” – Robert Heinlein

106. “A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.” – Frank Morgan

107. “There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.” – Linda Grayson

Final Thoughts

Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love. Make that special person’s heart full by sending them these funny and sweet messages.

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